What does "family" mean to you?
My meaning of family comes from my own family of origin. Our family of six was and still is very very close. We all know that we've got each other's backs ... no matter what. And this philosophy applies to the extended family as well - grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins.
The community I grew up in is also considered "family". We call the elder men "Uncle" and the elder women "Auntie". Hawaii is made up of lots of uncles and aunties.
When it comes to familial obligations, there is just a sense that you jump in to help ...whenever you see someone in need of assistance. This can be as small as assisting with carrying in the groceries or moving things out of the way if one's path is obstructed or cleaning up together after a gathering or even just opening and holding a door open for someone. This is called "kokua" or everyone helps out for the greater good.
It is challenging to teach my daughter this concept in a world...in a society... where everyone is just looking out for him or herself. My only saving grace is that we have been given many opportunities for her to be around her Hawaii family members. She is such a different person with them. She is loving, caring...and HELPFUL!!!
I am looking forward to my upcoming visit to Hawaii in a few days. I miss my family. I miss the unspoken understanding that you are loved no matter what....that you are welcomed home like the prodigal son.
Now how does this experience compare to my nuclear family here in San Francisco? Let me just say...it is very different. It works....
Families are what they are. They develop your values, your concept of the world, and your character. What is your family unit like? What does "family" mean to you?
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Monday, May 28, 2012
#70 - Floating Lanterns
Last week I got a call from one of my aunts in Hawaii. She said that if I could that I should watch the Floating Lanterns Hawaii ceremony this evening - Memorial Day. It was going to be streamed and that I could watch it on my computer here in San Francisco. She said that she thought of me because of my recent loss of my friend Gary....but really...I was more concerned about her. She lost her daughter to suicide and her mother was dying of cancer.
Each Memorial Day at sunset, at Magic Island - Ala Moana Beach Park, more than 40,000 Honolulu residents and visitors gather along the shore to remember loved ones who have passed away. It is Honolulu's version of Toro Nagashi, a Japanese tradition, translating literally as "lantern offerings on water". At twilight, more than 2,000 candlelit paper lanterns are released and set adrift into the calm waters of the sheltered beach. Each floating lantern carries the name of loved ones, with messages of comfort for their spiritual journey. It is one of Hawaii's most visually and spiritually breathtaking events.
The Toro Nagashi ceremony was founded by the Shinnyo-en Buddhist order in 1952. In Japan, it is traditionally held in July and August, coinciding with the end of Obon festival season. Hawaii’s Shinnyo-en order has always held the ceremony on Memorial Day—to honor lives lost in war.
At 9:15 pm this evening PST, I logged on and was blown away. I did not expect to see an amazingly beautiful blend of cultures participating in this ceremony. The Brothers Cazimero and the haunting chants of the kumus made my skin crawl. The Hawaiians were blessing the ocean and the air and the land with their chants and hulas. The sounds of the taiko drums and the flutes transported me to a peaceful place in my heart. The rituals performed by the pastors and ministers as well as many other church communities were so beautiful. The lighting of the harmony light was so deep...so powerful...as they prayed for unity among all.
And then the thousands of lanterns were released by the local people - all shapes, colors and sizes. It was just so beautiful and powerful to see. Everyone honoring the memories of their loved ones...all participating in one culture's tradition...a beautiful harmony....the same message...the same tune....many rivers, one ocean.
Each Memorial Day at sunset, at Magic Island - Ala Moana Beach Park, more than 40,000 Honolulu residents and visitors gather along the shore to remember loved ones who have passed away. It is Honolulu's version of Toro Nagashi, a Japanese tradition, translating literally as "lantern offerings on water". At twilight, more than 2,000 candlelit paper lanterns are released and set adrift into the calm waters of the sheltered beach. Each floating lantern carries the name of loved ones, with messages of comfort for their spiritual journey. It is one of Hawaii's most visually and spiritually breathtaking events.
The Toro Nagashi ceremony was founded by the Shinnyo-en Buddhist order in 1952. In Japan, it is traditionally held in July and August, coinciding with the end of Obon festival season. Hawaii’s Shinnyo-en order has always held the ceremony on Memorial Day—to honor lives lost in war.
At 9:15 pm this evening PST, I logged on and was blown away. I did not expect to see an amazingly beautiful blend of cultures participating in this ceremony. The Brothers Cazimero and the haunting chants of the kumus made my skin crawl. The Hawaiians were blessing the ocean and the air and the land with their chants and hulas. The sounds of the taiko drums and the flutes transported me to a peaceful place in my heart. The rituals performed by the pastors and ministers as well as many other church communities were so beautiful. The lighting of the harmony light was so deep...so powerful...as they prayed for unity among all.
And then the thousands of lanterns were released by the local people - all shapes, colors and sizes. It was just so beautiful and powerful to see. Everyone honoring the memories of their loved ones...all participating in one culture's tradition...a beautiful harmony....the same message...the same tune....many rivers, one ocean.
Monday, May 21, 2012
#69 - It Helps To Get Away
Just got back from Hawaii last night.
I spent most of my short time there with members of my large extended family doing what we do best - working together to get ready for a party. I actually helped my brother and cousin slice the fish and the onions for the poke. And we got to taste test along the way!! Fresh sashimi and beer! Yummmmm!
When that was done, I went with my sister-in-law to the banquet facililty and helped her, several aunts and uncles as well as cousins with the room set up and the decorations. Covered the tables with table cloths; placed the party favors at each seat; position the many centerpieces and balloon arrangements; scattered candy confetti; set up the bar, etc....
I realized that it was as if I never left Hawaii. The relationships were the same - everyone was just as wonderful, loving and accepting as when I was growing up. It just made me appreciate my strong work and family values even more. Things were just understood. We are there for each other no matter what.
It has helped me to realize that I need to get back there more often. I think I may have to move back to this warmer climate and to this simpler lifestyle. There is so much power in living in a family of true acceptance and true love. There is so much warmth in this community My purpose and my meaning of existence became clearer. I need to give back to these wonderful people. One question remains...how do I make this happen?
I spent most of my short time there with members of my large extended family doing what we do best - working together to get ready for a party. I actually helped my brother and cousin slice the fish and the onions for the poke. And we got to taste test along the way!! Fresh sashimi and beer! Yummmmm!
When that was done, I went with my sister-in-law to the banquet facililty and helped her, several aunts and uncles as well as cousins with the room set up and the decorations. Covered the tables with table cloths; placed the party favors at each seat; position the many centerpieces and balloon arrangements; scattered candy confetti; set up the bar, etc....
I realized that it was as if I never left Hawaii. The relationships were the same - everyone was just as wonderful, loving and accepting as when I was growing up. It just made me appreciate my strong work and family values even more. Things were just understood. We are there for each other no matter what.
It has helped me to realize that I need to get back there more often. I think I may have to move back to this warmer climate and to this simpler lifestyle. There is so much power in living in a family of true acceptance and true love. There is so much warmth in this community My purpose and my meaning of existence became clearer. I need to give back to these wonderful people. One question remains...how do I make this happen?
Monday, May 14, 2012
#68 - Enough
How do you know when you've had enough?
I am in a situation in which I am not happy or fulfilled. I lack the ambition and the drive to move into a new direction. The thoughts continue to swirl around in my head....leave...change...find the passion deep down inside...make a move...focus...do something. Yet...all I do is stay in my head. I am comfortable being uncomfortable.
When will I have had enough of this and make a move to change?
What happened to the amibitious and the very active person I once was? It feels as if my life exists only in my head and that I am not at all connected to what my body is doing. What happened? I see the world passing by and it makes me want to cry. I feel stuck, unmotivated, and so tired.
Maybe things will change when my daughter goes away to college. Maybe that's when I will get my life back.
Maybe I could start working on a plan.
I am in a situation in which I am not happy or fulfilled. I lack the ambition and the drive to move into a new direction. The thoughts continue to swirl around in my head....leave...change...find the passion deep down inside...make a move...focus...do something. Yet...all I do is stay in my head. I am comfortable being uncomfortable.
When will I have had enough of this and make a move to change?
What happened to the amibitious and the very active person I once was? It feels as if my life exists only in my head and that I am not at all connected to what my body is doing. What happened? I see the world passing by and it makes me want to cry. I feel stuck, unmotivated, and so tired.
Maybe things will change when my daughter goes away to college. Maybe that's when I will get my life back.
Maybe I could start working on a plan.
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