In October of 2011, I happened to be on Facebook when suddenly a chat request popped up!
I go to great lengths to keep the chat feature OFF so how did this one get through???? It was from my friend Wendy in Hawaii with whom I hadn't spoken to in years. Why now, though? I wondered. She and I fb chatted for awhile and she asked if I was still in touch with my friend Gary.
Gary and I met in Hawaii. We were roommates for three months - right before I moved to San Francisco - when my roommate at the time needed to sublet her spot to spend a summer in Alaska. We hit it off instantly!! We became best friends! Even my family members adopted him!!!! How could you not? He was sooo much fun.......sooo kind and generous......soooo positive and happy.....very easy going.....nice looking ...soooooo animated and funny...and very loving and gentle. I missed him a lot when I moved but when a spot opened up in San Francisco, I called and asked if he wanted to move in. He immediately said YES! We were roommates again and best buddies! We did everything together - partied like it was 1999; went clubbing and always danced on the stage at the IBeam; went to lots of Sunday tea dances; did vacations with my family; explored the City; walked through Muir Woods; explored the Marin Headlands and Stinson Beach; walked the beach at Ocean Beach often; skiied and played in the snow at Tahoe; rollerbladed in Golden Gate Park and crashed into each other and into other people... a lot........ and I was there in his life when he "came out". He and I shared many personal secrets and crazy experiences.
After about three years of heavy partying, I had to move on....went to graduate school, got a "real" boyfriend, a new apartment, etc.... Gary and I kept in touch but we were really living separate lives then. Our talks had become more and more infrequent. In these past recent years, I had tried calling and emailing but never received a response from him.
I shared this with Wendy in the chat. She instantly googled him only to find that he was listed as a missing person!!! WHAT??!! A Missing Person????? Missing???!!! No!!! What??!! I was in shock!
Immediately I started my own investigation and found a page with Gary's picture and the information taken from his drivers license. At the bottom of the page it said "Last seen on July 17, 2009 in San Francisco. Has not been seen or heard from since. Few details on this case." There was an SFPD missing case number. I called one of my pals on the force to get more info.
When did I last see Gary? Thinking back I guess-timated that it was early to mid 2007... twice in that year. The first time was when I invited him to have lunch with me and my best friend from high school, Geri, who had also been roommates with Gary at some point. We met at a Hawaiian restaurant near the Castro. As soon as he walked into the room, I knew that something was very different about him. The sparkle in his eyes was gone; his personality was flat and he did not want a glass of wine or anything alcoholic. He was not as talkative and as animated as I had remembered him being. Hmmmmm... I chalked the unusual behavior up to him not feeling comfortable to talk about private matters in a public setting. After all we hadn't seen each other in awhile. So I invited him to my apartment at a later date to talk privately. In that get together, he was still flat with very little sparkle. He told me that he was really depressed and was feeling guilty about not having been there when his mother passed away. His mother had been diagnosed with cancer in 2005. As often as he could, Gary would fly back to Hawaii to be with her. On his last visit there, he was struggling with a dilemma. He had a pre-planned-already-paid-for trip to France but didn't want to leave her. His brother said to him "Mom is better. You'll be gone for only two weeks. You should go." She died while he was in France... and he never forgave himself. I could see the pain, the anguish and the sadness in his eyes that day in my apartment. I didn't know how to help him then other than to just be his friend.
While I was waiting for the information from my SFPD contact, I tracked down his brother in Hawaii. Richard was pleased to hear from me and was hoping that I'd call him one day. He told me this story (in a nutshell).
"Gary was suffering from depression and alcoholism and was having a really hard time ... especially around Mom's death. He had been in and out of rehab. He had lost his job at the hospital where he was once a highly esteemed member of the liver transplant team. He had also been evicted from his apartment. Unfortunate events all connected to his alcoholism.
He was very embarrassed about his recovery and about what had happened to him with his job and living situations. He wanted no one to know.
On July 19, 2009, a park ranger found his abandoned car in the parking lot of the Point Reyes Lighthouse. They immediately did a search of the area. Rescue dogs, a helicopter and a boat searched until they couldn't search anymore. The dogs picked up his scent and followed it to a place where Gary had jumped a fence and had walked toward the edge of a cliff. His body was never found."
My SFPD contact also confirmed the story. "It's not good, Rey" he said.
I was reeling! I called my family! I called my friends! How could this have happened? This did not sound like Gary. He was always well put together and had things in place...all neat and tidy. This was my blond GQ surfer dude friend we're talking about! I couldn't fathom or process the shocking and sad news. I didn't even know about his alcoholism. I didn't know about the severe shift in his work and living situations. What happened?! Why didn't he call me??!! I just couldn't grasp the reality let alone my own guilt of abandoning him. Was my friend really gone?
********
And then the holidays happened for me and I had to shift gears quickly; followed by Rich's birthday (January) and then Priscille's birthday (February). I didn't have time to breathe until Monday, February 20, 2012.
That's when I began my healing process........
No comments:
Post a Comment