I called his brother that night.
Richard listened thoughtfully as I shared my Lighthouse experience. He was relieved that many of the gaps were being filled in and said that the missing pieces were helping him tremendously.
"So.... " he asked, "Do you think he jumped in ... or do you think he fell in?"
"Hmmmmm......" I thought.
"It was clear from the pictures and from the investigation," I said, "that Gary was determined to get close to the water. It was clear that he was very very close to the edge. Whether he fell in or jumped in, no one will ever know. But the scuff marks did end at the edge of the cliff."
Richard proceeded to share what he remembered about those several days in July 2009. He said that after Gary went missing, their half sister Carol flew to San Francisco from Washington DC to take care of Gary's belongings. He said that she had arranged a little get together of Gary's AA friends and allowed them to take something from his possessions to remember him by. I remember feeling hurt as he was sharing this because I hadn't been called. He reminded me though that there was no address book so they didn't have a number. (On a side note - at this moment, my cell phone buzzed, indicating that I had just received a text message. But since I was in the middle of something important, I ignored it. )
I told Richard that I was going to spend the weekend looking for the most appropriate spot to throw the haku lei into the water and to give myself the space for closure. He suggested Ocean Beach, the Cliff House - since Gary used to enjoy visiting the sea lions, and Stinson Beach. We said our goodnights and I hung up the phone.
On my way into the bedroom, I picked up my cell phone to look at who had texted me. It was from an unfamiliar 415 number...one that I did not recognize. I clicked on to the number to reveal the message ... and this is what I saw:
"Here's the new # since u acting all left out...lol"
I gasped! I couldn't breathe. Gary? No. My heart started to pound!
With my hands shaking, I texted back, "???"
Immediately I got a reply, "What up mean ??? U got the number now...I hope you don't think this some random bitch...lol"
I was shaking harder and my heart was pounding faster! I didn't know what to think! This was too weird. This can't be Gary ... yet ..... I couldn't explain what was happening. I was too scared to even think about calling that number!
I texted back, "Still ...???"
Minutes passed. Nothing. And then I got, "Oops...wrong number...my bad."
The shaking and heart palpitations continued for awhile! I was spooked...big time!
Was this just another coincidence??? You tell me.
If you had read The Celestine Prophecy, you would know that nothing is a coincidence.
********
Do I think he jumped in or do I think he fell in?
In my heart of hearts, I believe that this was an accident. After hearing the details from the park ranger, understanding how the events of that day unfolded, looking at the pictures of the path he took, knowing Gary's personality and habits, understanding his propensity to search out quiet spots near the ocean to contemplate life, knowing how the strong Point Reyes winds can shift quickly and lift anyone up, knowing that his footing may have been a little unstable especially if he had started drinking again, knowing that his car and apartment were left in such a state that indicated that he was expecting to come home......all point, in my mind and in my heart, to the very very strong possibility that he fell in accidentally.
His brother feels the same way.
********
I was able to say goodbye to Gary over the weekend.
Rich and I drove to the Cliff House and parked on the landing above the old Sutro Baths. We hiked down and then up to the hill and cliffs located to the right of the Baths and Gary's endearing Seal Rock. We found a small opening - almost like a cove - where we tossed the beautiful haku lei over the cliff and into the water. This spot had a spectacular view of the places that Gary and I used to visit often when we first moved to San Francisco - The Cliff House, Sutro Baths, Ocean Beach, the Marin Headlands, the Golden Gate Bridge.......and the ever powerful and magnificent Pacific Ocean...the ocean that always brought peace and tranquility to our souls....the ocean that always remained our one true connection to the aina (land) that we so loved and missed.
It was perfect!
********
Thank you for blessing my life, Gary, with your genuine and unconditional love and friendship. No one has ever ...ever... made me laugh as much, as often, and as hard as you did!!
I miss your smiling eyes and your hugs that were filled with real aloha!
Remember the flapping fish in the bathtub? Wapa! Wapa! Wapa! That will forever be our secret.
Remember busting me out with my secret stash of Chips Ahoy cookies? What were you doing in my closet anyway?
Remember how we used to bebop in the pew at church? Do you think they'll let us into heaven after that? By the way, how IS heaven?
Me ke aloha pumehana, dear friend.
Aloha 'oe. A hui hou kakou.
... until we meet again.
*********
No comments:
Post a Comment